At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
