Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i think my cat just said my name.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
