Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize