If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
