Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
