yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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