So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
