32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
