On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
