I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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