forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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