I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
