You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
