I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
