"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
third nipple confirmed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
