After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Say something about gay babies.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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