On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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