I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
