then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want nice things and good sex
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
