no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
