Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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