A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
