I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
