I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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