why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
