She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
