Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
