i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
