At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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