I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
