You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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