the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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