matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
