I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
