My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
