If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
