Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
