somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
