If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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