I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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