did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just gift wrapped bread.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
