he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
