when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
