I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
