I'm going to jail i love you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
