you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
