Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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