dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
