you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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