I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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