what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
