Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
be right there i have to get my cape
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
