i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
