Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
