why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
