i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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