I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
