Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
