things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize