do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize