She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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