I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize