You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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