Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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