He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
