I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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