The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
