I didn't shave. On purpose
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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