some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
