Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
