Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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