come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
