Sry I called you an 8
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
