Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
