I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
