well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
