Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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