the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize