Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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