Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
