Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
