drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
